That’s a new one

I was idle at the information desk when a man came up to me in a rush.

Phil: “Hey! I’m looking for books on recorders.”

Me: “Howiya!?…I’m not too sure about books but we do have recorders. If you come over with me we can see if there’s something there.”

We arrive over at the music section and there’s no books.

Me:”Sorry, mate, there’s nothing.”

Phil: “No,no! Not books! I’ve lost someone who was looking for books on recorders and thought they might have asked you!”

Me: “Eh…no. No one has asked me or ever asked me for books on recorders.”

He dances on the spot and scratches his head.

Me:”Maybe you could give them a call on their phone?”

Phil:”Ah, no, no. I’ll keep looking.”

Off Phil went looking about for someone instead of calling them.

That’s a new one for the books. # BaldManProblems

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You’re looking for what?

Customers have a tendency to ask and say stupid things. For example! Today when I was stationed at the information desk when customer asked and said something stupid.

Lee Harper: “Hi there!”

Me: “Howiya!?”

Lee Harper: “I’m looking for the book, How to kill a Monkey Bird, do you have it?”

Me: “Bahahaha!”

Lee Harper glares at me

Me: “Sorry, but that was funny. I think you meant, How to kill a Mocking Bird.”

He continues to stare.

Me: “Eh, it’s just over there on the top shelf.”

Jaysus, some people take themselves too seriously.

Do you hear that?

Her footsteps sounded like suction pads on the wooden floor as she approached me on the information desk. She was vertical challenged and peered over the top of the desk at me.

Jill: “Hi!”

Me: “Ah, hello there.”

Jill:” I’m looking for a right handed pen.”

Me: “Haha! That’s a good one. I never heard that one before.”

She glares at me.

Me: “Oh! You’re serious! Well…any pen would do the job.”

She’s unhappy with my response and snaps back–“I just want a pen to write with!”

Me: “Right, well you’ll have to venture upstairs for them so.”

There’s a slight pop from beneath her feet as she scampers off towards the stairs.

As I continue to sit at the desk I can feel her eyes burn into the back of my head as she passes on the stairs.

On a scale of one to odd that was an eleven. # BaldManProblems

So I can’t touch them?

Amongst the multitude of customers she found me. I was doing my best to stay out of the way so I could finish putting out a trolley and ponder life’s mysteries; like the one about Patrick Swayze appearing behind you whenever you start making pottery alone.

Rowena: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Ah, hello.”

Rowena: “Where do you keep the e-books?”

Me: “Eh, they would be online, you can’t pick them up in store.”

Rowena: “So I can’t see what’s available?”

Me: “Well you can check them out on the website on the computer over there, but that’s about it.”

Rowena: “So you’re saying I can’t look at them now?”

Me: “They’re e-books, electronic texts, they have no physically form.”

Rowena: “That means no then?”

Me: “Yeah, that would be a no.”

Rowena: “How peculiar.”

She steps back into the crowd and is absorbed quickly like water is consumed by a dry sponge.

I try to find my train of thought again but get it mixed up with another one of life’s mysteries; like if Patrick Swayze falls in a forest does he make a sound?

That’s not quite right… # BaldManProblems

What are you waxing around for?

I was sitting as still as a pervert in the bushes while I did a stint on the information desk today. A middle aged woman passed by in lime green trousers and did a double take of me sitting there. This caught my attention so I looked at her and smiled.
She smiled back at me and decided to come over to me.

Perplexed Patricia: “Haha! Oh, my god! I thought you were made of wax, like a wax dummy.”
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After this remark she reached for my wrist and gave it a gentle stroke.

Me: “Ah, yeah. I was sitting quite still.”

Perplexed Patricia: “I was in the wax museum recently and was so uneasy being around the dummies; I kept waiting for one of them to jump out at me.”

Me: “Haha! It could happen. I know they do that sometimes in the wax museum in London.”

Perplexed Patricia: “It’s my biggest fear! I keep thinking anyone who sits still will turn and jump at me.”

Me: “You should keep an eye on their chest moving up and down, you know, breathing and all that.”

Perplexed Patricia: “God! I never thought of that! That’s a great idea! Thanks!”

Before she departs she stokes my wrist one last time and walks off with a smile on her face.

I’ve been called many a name but never have I been thought to be a wax dummy. Maybe the fluorescents in work give me a waxy look? # BaldManProblems

Ya what?

Things not to say to your manager.

Manager: “So I’ll be all set to have that coffee chat with you on Saturday.”

Me: “Oh great! Our coffee date. Can we hold hands?”

Manager: “No…”

He seemed so enthusiastic at the beginning and then his mood changed quite abruptly. I wonder what caused that? # BaldManProblems.