A lady from the country approached me while I was on the till. I couldn’t be certain what part of the bog she was from, but I’m sure it was fairly deep down. She was buying a book for her grandchild. I knew this because she told me a number of times.
She places the book down in front of me. She has a twinkle in her eye. It was either pixie bog dust or the early onsets of cataracts.
Lady Montgomery: “I looked through all the books and settled on this one.”
Me: “Not a bad choice, now.”
Lady Montgomery: “I’m up for day. I wanted to bring something back down for my grandchild.”
Me: “That’s decent of you.”
I finish the sale. She moves off to the side and starts looking at a stand that contains a selection of art stuff for young girls. She spots a plastic purse that contains markers.
Lady Montgomery: “Oh, this is lovely! Is it any good?”
Me: “You’d really be better off buying something else.”
Lady Montgomery: “Why is that?”
Me: “Well, the presentation is nice but the contents are pretty dismal.”
Lady Montgomery: “You’re not a very good salesman.”
Me: “I’m honest. I’m not going to try and sell something to someone knowing that it’s not good quality.”
Lady Montgomery: “Oh, I’d like to have an honest man like you to go shopping with me.”
Me: “Ha, yeah…I’ll have to pass for the moment.”
She leaves quite happy with herself.
Not long after her I get a phone call from a fairly angry man.
Pragmatic Paddy: “Hello, I’m looking to see if you stock a book.”
Me: “Sure, what are looking for?”
He gives me the title.
I check it out for him.
Me: “No, sorry we don’t have it. If you come in we could order it for you.”
Pragmatic Paddy: “Feck sake! This is all because I left my book on the train; then some git came along and took it! I hope the bastards hand’s fall off.”
Me: “Ha, ha! That’s a bit harsh, now.”
Pragmatic Paddy: “It kind of was. Right, I’ll leave you with some advice: don’t trust anyone!”
Me: “I’ll try to remember that.”
It was nice of the bog one to think I was an honest man. I just don’t know whether I should feel flattered or put off about the bog woman wanting me as a shopping buddy. As for the gentleman on the phone…well, I generally only take advice off people who don’t wish ill-will towards others. He had so much promise, but he made an arse of it all when he went off on his rant. #BaldManProblems.