There’s a first time for everything

I served a family of four when I had a brief stint on the till earlier on today. They seemed like a decent bunch. The child-folk were crying out for some chocolate and eventually the mother-woman caved and got them some but not before telling them they had to wait until after dinner to eat it. The mother-woman gave the chocolate to the father-man and he placed it on the counter with the rest of the items they wanted.

As I started to scan through the items the young girl of the child-folk, who was no more than six, started to mess with the card reader.

Father-man to young girl–“You can’t be messing with that!”

Me: “Yeah, you’ll get a shock off it if the card isn’t in it and your hair will fall out. That’s what happened to me.”

The young girl whips her hand away and looks at me wide eyed.

Father-man: “Haha!”

I finished the sale and bagged up their items.

As they were leaving the young girl looks up at me before she follows her family-folk–“I won’t loose my hair, I’ll just cut it off…then I’ll come back and cut your glasses.” She skips away after that leaving me dumbfounded.

I’ve never been threatened by a child-folk before. Guess there’s a first time for everything. # BaldManProblems

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Quit acting the goat!

I decided to mix things up a bit when it came to making my coffee in the morning. Yes, that’s right, I mixed things up by using goats milk instead of cow milk. Now my coffee has a delightful caffeine kick with the subtle taste of a goat. #BaldManProblems

The Second Guess

I met up with the Mother earlier for a coffee and a wander around town to play a bit of catch up. It was a nice little get together. Our walk-abouts took us into Pennys because the Mother needed to pick up some sunkissed tights for the Sister. She picked up the sunkissed tights and we began to leave.

As we were leaving I noticed there was a little girl, who was no more than five, belting out the alphabet. I’ll have to admit, it was quite cute. Yes, quite cute until she got to end. I’m sure you’re all aware how the alphabet goes, I thought I did until I heard this girls rendition.

Little Girl: “a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,A,z.”

y,A,z, I thought to myself. That can’t be right.

The little girl repeated herself and again she ended it with an ‘A’ before the ‘Z’.

I ended up having to do a few laps of the alphabet around my head and during the few laps I kept tripping over myself as I reached the end.
Was the ‘A’ always there? I had to keep asking myself this for a few minutes afterwards.

I never usually second guess myself but after that rendition of the alphabet I’m finding it hard not to. # BaldManProblems

It’s the look. The look of love.

The sunlight was shining in through the window as I gathered up my stuff and placed them into my man-bag.

Andy comes into the sitting room after grooming himself and starts to put on his boots

Andy: “So what are you up to today?”

Me: “I’ve to head to college to talk about my feelings.”

Andy: “Off to the counsellor?”

Me: “Yeah…feelings are gay.”

Andy looks out the window–“Oh, look! The builders have a crane now.”

Me: “Feckin’ perverts going to great lengths to look at me.”

Andy: “Well if you didn’t parade around in the nip so often.”

Me: “That’s the only reason they’re there…to look at me parade around in the nip.”

Can’t one around parade around his abode with his flesh on display without fear of prying eyes upon mechanical giants gazing in? # BaldManProblems

He seemed to have an invisible touch

I was putting out stock earlier and wasn’t sure where it went so I had to use the computer to find out. As I was looking up the books a man came from the side and decided to start talking to me.

Monty: “Do you like Darren Shan?”

Me: “Yeah, he’s a good writer.”

Monty: “Do you know him?”

Me: “Not personally, I just know of his work.”

Monty: “Do you like the Demonata series?”

Me: “I wasn’t too pushed on that. I much preferred the saga he wrote.”

He doesn’t respond to me, he just continues to stand next to me as I look up the books. I start to think he’s moved on but I’m wrong. Instead before he departs he reaches out and gently caresses my shoulder with his finger tips and says goodbye.

I don’t turn around, I continue to stare at the computer screen . It takes me a moment to realise what has just happened…I’ve never felt so violated…# BaldManProblems

He ain’t heavy, He’s my brother.

The shop was coming to a close and there was a fair few stragglers still hanging around. One of the stragglers shimmies up to the till that I’m on.

Ted: “Hello there, Tom. I suppose you’re wondering how I know your name?”

Me: “Eh, not really since Tom isn’t my name.”

Ted: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Pretty sure of my own name, yeah.”

Ted: “I could have sworn it was.”

Me: “Nope.”

The transaction comes to a close and Ted starts to walk away but not before he winks a goes–“See you later brother!”

Bank Holiday weekends do strange things to customers…Where did he get the name Tom from? # BaldManProblems