Hello. Is it me you’re looking for?

Encased in a blue raincoat , she hobbled over to me as I sat at the desk twiddling my thumbs.

Maura: “Do you have a mobile?”

Me: “Eh, I don’t, no.”

Maura: “I need to ring my phone.”

Me: “Oh! Have you lost it?”

She takes her phone out–“No, I just want to see if it works.”

Me: “Right…well I can ring it off this phone here if you like?”

Maura: “OK.”

She gives me her number and I ring it off the work phone. Her phone starts to ring and she hangs up.

Maura: “Can you ring it again and speak to me. I want to see if it works.”

Me: “O…kay. You’ll have to walk away a bit so you don’t hear me.”

She hobbles halfway across the floor. I ring her phone and she answers it.

Me: “Hello…yeah….your phone seems to be working.”

Maura hangs up, wanders off, and doesn’t return.

That has been one of the strangest customers I’ve had to deal with in a long time. # BaldManProblems


Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

I had a free run of the floor for most of the day and was kept busy putting out stock. This was lovely for me. As my shift was coming to a close I found myself over in the Irish Fiction section. Two youths had wandered over and were loudly voicing their disdain for books as they looked for one.

Garfield: “Ugh! Books! Waste of time! Your one at the desk said it wasn’t non-fiction.”

Odi: “Yeah, I heard her.”

Garfield: “What’s the difference between non-fiction and fiction?”

Odi: “Non-fiction means it’s real and fiction means it’s not real.”

Odi continues his search.

Garfield: “I thought fiction was real.”

I felt like I had to chime in

Me: “Fiction is as real as your imagination allows it to be.”

Garfield turns to me–“Whatever man!”

Odi exhales deeply out of his mouth- “Ah, to hell with this! Let’s just go.”

It’s sad to see some young folk who are unaware of what fiction is and have no appreciation for books…A part of me died today. # BaldManProblems

You make no sense

The customers were slowly ebbing out of the shop. Those that remained were wandering aimlessly and had a look that said: please don’t close the shop, I’ve nowhere else to go.
As I was gazing at these lost souls an elderly gentleman in a paddy cap came up to me at the till.

Patrick: “I’d like to buy these please.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

I start scanning through his items.

Patrick: “What time do you close at?”

Me:”Nine tonight.”

Patrick: “What time is it now?”

Me: “It’s twenty past eight.”

He tilts his head to the left and looks up at me-“ten past fruity?”

Me: “Ha! No, twenty past eight.”

Patrick: “Oh! Sometimes I forget the days of the week. ”

Me: “Well it’s Thursday today.”

Patrick: “I know what day it is!”

He takes his leave but not before he shoots me daggers.

Jaysus, he changed his upbeat tune quite quickly at the mention of Thursday. Just when I thought I had the elderly figured out. # BaldManProblems

Moving up in the world…I think.

Hello there my wonderful followers.

One of my short stories was read out by Paul Rex on the latest Mysteries Abound podcast. Delighted with life right now

You can check it out here if you like, it comes in a few seconds after the 52:00 mark.


You really are a big fool

I’m sitting in the library and I come across a linguistic term that I want to find the meaning of. I say to myself “Ah, feck! My linguistic dictionary is at home so I’ll have wait until I get home to find out.”

This bothers me for quite a bit until Realisation comes along and slaps me across the back of my head and yells in my ear: “YOU’RE IN THE LIBRARY! YOU HAVE YOUR LAPTOP. Get off your hairy, skinny arse and go look for a dictionary or use the internet to search for the definition!”

Leaving me red-faced, Realisation storms off causing everyone to stare at him as he goes. This hasn’t been my proudest moment. # BaldManProblems