Pheromones! EVERYWHERE!

It was fierce busy yesterday; so busy, the pheromones of the customers were mixing together to cause a odd whiff to be left in the air. I was on the service desk when she approached me. I had no where to run. I had to do my job.

Me: “How are you?”

Trudy: “Fine…”

I scan through her items and tell her the total. She goes to hand me her card.

Me: “If you’d like to just place it in the machine there.”

Trudy: “I have to put it in myself?”

Me: “Oh, you do, yeah.”

Trudy: “Some service.”

Me: “Well, you wouldn’t ask a stranger to put your card into an ATM. Think of it like that.”

Trudy: “GOD!”

The transaction is completed and she wanders off, muttering to herself as she leaves.

Shortly after her, an old, happy chap of man hobbles up to me after coming out of the lift.

Happy Harry: “Oh, ha, heh! I’d hate to meet you in a dark ally with all those tattoos on you. Oh, ha, heh, heh!”

Me: “Ha! Yeah…”

Happy Harry: “Ha, heh, heh!”

He hobbles off down the shop.

Happy Harry seemed like a nice lump of an old man. Someone I could probably have a decent conversation with in-between all his laughter. As for Trudy? Well, she was a foul demon-women who was riddled with airs and graces. I didn’t like her. # BaldManProblems

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“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight”

I had the strangest dream last night: The Mother keeps nagging me to visit the Granddad and to make sure I bring down potatoes to him. This conversation went on around a number of locations in my dream.

CUT TO BALD MAN DREAM

It’s 1847, and Bald Man and the Mother are waiting to board the Jeannie Johnson with the hope of setting up a potato factory in Chicago.

The Mother: “Here! Before we get on the ship pop over and say hello to the Granddad.Oh, and while you are that, bring over the last bag of spuds.
He’ll like that.”

Me: “Why do I always have to visit him? And what’s with your fascination of potatoes?”

The Mother: “You’re his favourite and we’re Irish, ever culture has an obsession. Look at the French, mad for the wine.”

Me: “You know–” I don’t find out what I say. I just end up waking up.

This is the second time I’ve had this dream. I really wish I could dream about something else besides the Mother, the Granddad, and potatoes. # BaldManProblems

Hello there.

I was in the library yesterday, trying to do some work, but it proved difficult because there was a young man of a student who kept turning around to check me out. He turned to look at me three times…four times since I arrived there. Either he has found my blog and recognises me from my profile picture or he’s attracted to me. Ah, I guess I’ll never know, he left before I could engage him in conversation…Five times. Fuck sake! # BaldManProblems

Embarrassment? I don’t know the meaning of the word…wait.

Embarrassment, that’s something I’ve never experienced…until now. I have the clothes horse outside on the balcony and on it is a mixture of towels and my underwear. When you wash your underwear with towels, both come out like they’re brand new, it’s fantastic. Where was I? Oh, yeah, embarrassment. I’m sitting on the sofa when a great gust blows and causes a pair of my underwear to take flight and make a break for it. There goes a ragged pair of my underwear. Floating down to the ground below for all to see.

As I look at my underwear on the shrubbery below I feel a tingling sensation on my cheeks and scalp. This must be what embarrassment feels like. # BaldManProblems

Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

My dreams have become so vivid lately that I’m finding it hard to distinguish between reality and the scenarios in my dreams. Last night I dreamt that they didn’t sell tooth floss any more. The assistant in the pharmacy I was in informed me that because they human race doesn’t have teeth, they would be making a loss if they tried to sell it.That pissed me off. I also had to buy mouthwash for Sarah because she was in desperate need to have her collection of dental care products complete. Of course I said I’d get it for her, I’d hate to see her collection incomplete. I woke up this morning really disorientated, unsure if I had to buy mouthwash or not.
I’ve been trying to go over all the conversations we’ve had lately and I can’t recall her ever asking me for some.
Maybe she wants some for Christmas and is whispering in my ear at night so I’ll think of it closer to the time. I still can’t prove that it was a dream or not, but I’m going to be even more disgruntled than usual if that’s what she was at.

Who the hell would want mouthwash for Christmas? # BaldManProblems

I said NO!

Deathly silence has enveloped the basement. I stand behind the desk and listen to the dust forming on the books. A fellow approaches me from the side and points to a door down at the back of the shop.

Bob: “Can I go out that door there?”

Me: “No. That’s a fire exit. You’ll have to go back upstairs.”

Bob:”Come on!”

Me: “No! It’s a fire exit. You’ll have to go back upstairs to get out.”

Bob: “But I need to get out to that side of the street.”

Me: “It’s a fire exit! Used for emergencys! You need to go back out upstairs.”

Bob: “FINE!”

Jaysus, there was really no getting through to that fellow. # BaldManProblems

It’s not the size that matters

The day was ticking away and the air was laced with the sound of the beating heartbeats of customer’s browsing away. I could almost make out my own when two women came up to the desk. One of them places a book down.

Adrian: “This will do me. It’s a grand size.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s small but will do the job.”

Adrian giggles and looks back at her mate –“Ha,ha! We know all about small, don’t we?” Her mate erupts with laughter as well.

She turns back and winks at me –“Am I right?”

I’m just looking at her and then it twigs with me that she’s making a reference to her experience with tiny man members. I’ve no experience with small ones, unless I count my own.

Me: “Oh, don’t I know it.”

The transaction is completed and they go away giggling.

Their laughter fades away and I can finally make out the faint beating of my heart

I’m usually the one to lower the tone of the conversation or any given situation. I’ve now experienced first hand what it’s like to be on the receiving end. # BaldManProblems