T.B.Y.P

I decided to take a break from studying. I’d be going since twelve and felt the need for some tea to recharge my brain juice. I got up from my chair, stepped into my kitchen, picked a mug, and placed the tea bag into the mug. I then poured the water into the mug without realizing that I forgot to boil the kettle. I felt like such a tyrant for ruining a perfectly good tea bag that had so much potential; instead I had to discard the poor thing.

Think before you pour, people! Think before you pour if you wish to avoid such wanton destruction. T.B.Y.P # BaldManProblems.

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Family time ain’t what it used to be.

The Sister came up for a sleepover with the Mother. After we had a catch up she sat down on the other sofa across from the Mother(that’s right people, there’s two sofas in my apartment) and tried to engage the Mother in conversation.

The Sister: “Knock, knock”

The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

The Mother: “Fuck off!”

I’ve never seen the Sister as disappointed as she is now.
Sometimes I wish I could witness a polite interaction between the two of them. # BaldManProblems.

He was knee deep in emotion.

There I was, alone on the desk with customers on each side of me, dancing on the spot for assistance. I had the leave the desk vacant while I helped an aging blond find a book. When I returned most of the customers had left. Except for one chiseled looking fellow. His face was awash with relief and his eyes oozed with delight.

Van: “I thought you left me alone. By myself.”

Me: “If your face was waiting for me at home I’d skip dancing with the cows and come right back to you.”

Van: “You really know how to make a man feel wanted. I need to hear stuff like that more often.”

Me: “That’s nice. Em…have a nice day.”

Well that could have turned in something really emotional. Note to self: Don’t compliment the customers. Even if you think they need it. # BaldManProblems.

Was it something I said?

It was a fairly dull day. I was confined to the desk for most of it. The most exciting thing that happened today was being told there was secret staff toilet on the second floor with a water cooler that sounds like an engine; it sounded more like an old man trapped inside who thought he was an engine. So there I was, on the service desk, gathering dust. One of my co-workers comes running up in a panic, she was going to be covering my break at twenty-past five and she thought she was late.

Mags: “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be late.”

Me: “You’re grand. You still have ten minutes before I’m away.”

Mags: “Ah, grand. I thought I was late.”

She goes off with a spring in her step.

Another co-worker was beside me on the desk. I turn to her after Mags has left.

Me: “That’s one of the worst things a lad can hear from a lady, “I’m late.” Put the fear of God in you, so it would.”

Constance: “What’s wrong with you?”

I was just trying to make conversation with her. We never really talk and I thought I would try to change that. I need to pick my conversation topics more carefully next time. # BaldManProblems.

Facts about Swans.

I was sitting down at the lake waiting for class to start with some college mates. The lake that we gaze upon is home to a number of swans, ducks, and sometimes an unfortunate student who has fallen in. As we were sitting there I decided to rattle off some swan facts.

Me: “You know swan spelt backwards is water giraffe.”

Larr: “What!? I don’t think that’s true at all. I wonder why their necks are so big?”

Me: “Ah, they use their necks to wrap it around their prey.”

Larr: “Ha,ha! Yeah…”

I’ve been as thick as custard with one college mate in particular since day one. She comes and sits down beside me and looks at the swans in front of us.

Gloria: “Oh, look at that one, it’s sleeping. I wonder do they get cold at all?”

Me: “Ah, swans are 80% water so that’s how they float and can stay warm.”

Gloria: “No they’re not! You can’t just make up facts about swans that aren’t even remotely true.”

That’s the trouble with mature students, it’s a lot harder to pull the wool over their eyes. If I was chatting to a regular student I imagine I’d have a better chance at giving them false facts. College is a pain in the arse sometimes. # BaldManProblems.

That was just rude!

I awoke from a restful slumber and lay there in my bed for a moment, gathering my thoughts before I got up. I started trying to make a bed angel, but it was futile. So I decided to get up and start my day. I stretched and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, listened to wind blowing through the trees, and the cacophony of children’s laughter from the school near the apartment that was mixed with harmonious birdsong; I smiled to myself and made my way to the sitting room where, I assumed, the Mother was.

I was correct in my assumption. My left ankle wasn’t even through the door when she starts.

The Mother: “You better not be going for a pooh. I need to have a shower.”

I’m mutter to myself, “Now that you mention it, that would be a wonderful idea.”

I then respond to her- “I actually do.”

She loses it slightly.

The Mother: “I’ve never met anyone who poohs as much as you! You must have the cleanest bowels out of anyone I know.”

Me: “Good Morning to you, too!”

Well I never! Something must be playing on her motherly mind. I will investigate this little outburst later to see if there’s any underlying cause. You think you know someone. # BaldManProblems.

All that dancing!

So there I was, on the floor and briskly walking down to get a book for someone. There she was, on the floor and in my way. I go left, she goes left. I go right, she goes right. We then start spinning around each other, awkwardly giggling for a second and then I’m like, “Jaysus, we’re starting a bit of a dance here.” I break out of it,walk off ,and get the book for the customer.

I’m back on the till when she comes up again. This time she has her husband with her.

Me: “Ah, you’re the one I was dancing with.”

Glinda: “Ha, ha! Oh, yes.” She continues to smile while her husband glares back at me, then back to her, then back to me.”

She looks back to him and translates what I’ve just said to her.

He doesn’t seem too pleased.

Me: “Who doesn’t like to add a bit of dancing into the shopping experience.”

She smiles and laughs. The husband glares at me again.

The transaction is finished and they go off on their way. They’re speaking to each other; she’s laughing and he isn’t too pleased. He glares at me before he leaves the floor.

I know I didn’t plan the dancing, but I thought it was a nice touch. Too bad the husband didn’t seem to agree. I guess husbands don’t like when you unintentionally start dancing with their wives. # BaldManProblems.